perspective, brought to you by the enneagram

a photo of some shelves in our home-for-now. the reason that top-left shelf is empty, if you are the kind who may wonder, is that I just recently finally put away a Christmas decoration that was being housed there. :)

Hello, friend!

I want to talk with you about the enneagram…specifically, my experience with this ancient tool. But first, I want to be super clear in saying that my hope for this space is not to only + always talk about me.

I do intend to use this space to work out in writing what is true about the world as I understand it through my experiences, as they are the only ones I can speak to. In those instances my writing will be a form of autobiography. But just so you know, I’m not aiming to do only that.

Just as in life, as we get to know each other better, it’ll feel less like I’m relaying a series of facts about myself and more like I’m sharing my thoughts because I want to contribute to the larger conversation and to connect meaningfully with you.

But right now, we’re still in the early stages of this relationship, so we must stick to the facts and build some context.

So…the Enneagram. Either you can’t get enough of it or can barely stand to hear the word uttered. It’s a bit polarizing, but I would posit that that’s an indicator of it’s deep, hidden value.

My first encounter with it was when I was sixteen, and I mistyped twice (for over twelve years!) before discovering at long last my true home in…the nine space!

Nines, they say, sit atop the Enneagram, and thus have the best view of all other numbers, meaning that we can see the world your way. We can see it everyone’s way, but sometimes we have a hard time seeing it our way. I’ve learned that I can’t help but see the world from a vast range of perspectives.

This has a lot of benefits, of course, but in every strength, there is also a weakness. I am telling you all of this because it directly relates to my recent discovery that I have been afraid of using my voice.

Working to understand myself using the lens of the Enneagram has helped me to realize that I will very often talk myself out of making decisions or forming opinions because there are too many competing angles to take. And the highest goal for nines, broadly speaking, is unity. (If you wanna get into subtypes, I am a one-to-one subtype, which in part means the worst possible thing that can happen, in my mind, is disconnection. So whenever I think about speaking my mind, these are the thoughts that naturally begin to formulate: What if this person disagrees with me and there’s a disconnect? What if I say something she can’t relate to, and we become separated by it? What if I unknowingly alienate someone and cut them off!? Separation…!! Abort, abort!) The easiest recourse, and the habitual result of all of that is to do nothing, say nothing, move towards nothing. And after a while...well, it’s a lot of nothing.

Lately, I am feeling strongly compelled to turn from the nothing that compounds from not deciding, not doing, not speaking up and using the voice that I have, and to use it for good.

I have always felt like a writer. What I mean is, I have always best been able to express myself in words. And I keep feeling this tug to write things down…I’m not even sure why yet, or how best to do it…but instead of waiting to figure it all out and then do it, I’m just going for it. So far, I really prefer this option to the alternative…nothing.

If you know the enneagram, how does all of this land with you? What number do you most identify with? Have you found it to be a helpful tool for self-knowledge?

xo, mal