the stress is real
I woke up this morning feeling like I could cut the stress hanging all around me with a butter knife. All I did was get up to make coffee, and there it was, awaiting me.
I had to stop and sit down and close my eyes and breathe and pray — I just felt like I was churning and nothing had even happened yet. But I guess that’s kind of normal now, because it’s all…so, so much. Too much.
I was sitting there, waiting for peace to come, and then came to mind this thought: we are living in a time when can’t so much as breathe freely.
Have you thought about this?
To exhale into open air is risky. In some places forbidden, or at least frowned upon. For some, tragically, the once-simple act of taking a breath became a trial through which they could not, would not, pass.
Typically, breathing is something you don’t have to monitor as you go through your day. Like blinking. I am convinced that something happens to us psychologically, maybe even chemically, when we have to override an autopilot system and operate it manually. I’m no neuroscientist…just observing.
In some ways, it’s relieving to my own nervous system to have this realization. I can now say to myself, “of course you’re stressed! You can’t even so much as breathe freely in the world right now...that’s not normal.” (side note: I’ve begun employing Brene Brown’s FFT/TFT paradigm to more things than it is applicable, because it is helping me to make sense of so much right now.)
I tell myself, it’s normal to struggle with not being able to breathe freely in the world. I reality check it: if taken out of context, would this be a reasonable thing to expect of anyone, especially for seven continuous months with an indefinite projection? No! Never! And to put it into perspective, this is the first time you’ve ever had to do this. This is not going to be forever...so I think, maybe I can look for what good can come of it while it is true.
I can’t help but connect the dots between this new sort of breath awareness (can I call it that?) and the tremendous benefits to the body, mind, and spirit of conscientious breathing. If you have ever practiced mindful breathing or yoga or mediation with any success or regularity, you know. Wearing a mask is not the same thing, of course, but I can’t help but see the link and wonder if this moment is some kind of invitation.
Is there some intention in keeping our breath close enough to taste, smell, touch? To bring it right beneath our noses so that as we hurry about our days, there’s a better chance we might become aware of the incredible gift it is just to breathe?
I think it’s possible...even likely. What do you think?
We met a woman on the sidewalk yesterday, wearing her mask and sunglasses simultaneously. She was addressing Arie, who looked confused, when suddenly she removed her sunglasses and said, “I know I look so silly.” He brightened at being able to see her eyes. She turned to me: “I hate these things” she said, patting her mask. Then she added, “but I like life!”
So, in the event that you need to hear this as much as I did, let me say to you: you can’t even so much as breathe freely right now...of course you’re stressed.
We all feel the undercurrent of stress these days -- it would be odd not to. As Viktor Frankl said, "an abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior." My hope for you is that you find more ways to name your own experience with precision, and to see yourself in it as you are -- worthy of love and compassion and kindness.
xo, mal
